Best Friends

Every once in a while, fate takes pity on you and sends you a friend <3
-Enlightened (TV show)


Just now it struck me how much friends mean to me. I was looking through my crochet patterns and ideas notebook and found this quote written on an obscure page. I heard it the first time while watching the HBO series, Enlightened and it stuck in my head so I wrote it down. 


Recently, I've been having a rough time with my anxiety. I suffer from a few nervous and depressive conditions that keep me from having what I conceive as a normal life. 


I don't go to work anymore. I don't hang out with friends (except on Xbox Live). I don't go to the movie theater, or out to eat, or to theme parks, or parties. The more I think about it, the more I don't do a lot of things anymore. 


It makes me feel so much....less. Less than normal...less than me. 


People I used to count among the closest of friends no longer call, they no longer come over. Some have even lashed out at me about being a bad friend. 


It's true though. I am a bad friend. I don't call, I don't text, I don't come over, I don't hang out. I've had episodes where I push people away. Mostly because I don't want them to see me having panic attacks, feel guilty that they can't help, or worse...


During those times I'm at my very worst. I'm contemplating suicide. I'm in deep depression and near constant bewildering panic.


I never want people to see me like that. Everyone who knows me always hears me giggling and laughing and so that kind of happy persona is the one I want them to remember me by. 


Luckily for people like me, there's friends out there that do stick around. That see you at your worst and are willing to wait out the storm, holding their arms out, so that when you do get through it, they can welcome you back with hugs. They whisper to you, "It's going to be ok. I'm here for you."


They offer consolation and open-minded love. The best kind of love, unconditional love. 


Those friends come in all packages.


The boyfriend best friend. The sibling best friend. The mommy best friend. The across the world best friend. Even the although-we've-never-met-in-person-I-love-you best friend.


To all those who love me and all those who care...thank you so much for being there. You mean the WHOLE world to me.


Thanks for Reading.
Love, 
Mery Ann

Cookie Monster Sculpture I made for my Cookie <3 Stacey Gerrish <3