Is anybody out there?

I've been working on this blog for a few weeks now and I don't think I've put enough of myself in it. I am by nature, a writer. My thoughts are driven by analogies, my visions are riddled with adjectives, my words are flourished with verbal scenery. Every time I witness something new or awe inspiring, in my brain I'm working out the most polished and interesting way of describing it, mostly to myself and often to whomever is nearest. 


My closest friends and family know me as, well, a know-it-all. I don't mean that in a negative way mostly but it can have a connotation to it that can sometimes sound distasteful. I take it as a compliment. 


I love teaching. As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a teacher. One year, after the last day in my fourth grade class, my teacher let me take home the most worn text books to keep. I spent the entire summer playing 'school'. I would set up my bedroom floor as a classroom with teddy bears and baby dolls as students and my poor six year old brother as the only mobile pupil. I would prop up a composition notebook on the frame of my red metal bunk bed and try my best to pretend it was a black board. I taught my 'students' about our solar system, addition, and read to them my favorite Judy Bloom books. We had lunch with pudding snacks and nap time where my brother would run off to play something else usually. 


He was always a good student. I taught him his ABC's on a metal white board with colored plastic magnets. I even remember as a 6 year old being on all fours next to him as he lunged back and forth trying to imitate my crawling. 


Those are some of my fondest memories of my little brother. He taught me just as much as I taught him. His patience and unconditional love have always been a priceless lesson for me. 


If you are out there, and you are reading this, I promise to put a little more of myself in here. I'm an open book and if I do say so myself, it should be interesting to read.


Thanks for reading.
Love,
Mery Ann

Flowers and Hearts

I've been out and about friends! Well, not really.

I went to my mom's house for a few hours to sing happy birthday to the boyfriend and the brother and it was actually a lot of fun. I haven't been out of the house in quite a while and although I was shaking with panic, I managed to keep a positive attitude and it paid off! I was able to enjoy my family's company without an anxiety attack. All in all, it was a successful outing and I'm happy for it.

To celebrate, I thought I'd share a bunch of heart and flower free patterns! <3

HEARTS

http://www.planetjune.com/blog/free-crochet-patterns/love-hearts/

http://www.freecraftunlimited.com/heart-crochet-hot-pad.html

http://www.dmccreative.co.uk/Products/Crochet-Collection/Crochet-Patterns/Home-is-where-the-heart-is.aspx

FLOWERS

http://molliemakes.themakingspot.com/blog/tutorial-tuesday-crochet-flowers

http://www.mooglyblog.com/2012/03/05/10-beautiful-and-free-crochet-flower-patterns/

http://6ichthusfish.typepad.com/6ichthusfish/2012/05/free-crochet-flower-pattern-tahiti-blossom.html

I especially like the Tahitian Blossoms because of the colors and I think if you make them in red, white, or green, they could double as Christmas Snowflakes. 

That's all for now friends. I hope you like this new post and I'll be sure to keep posting more free patterns that I collect across the vast world of the interwebs. As always...

Thanks for reading.

Love, 

Mery Ann

Best Friends

Every once in a while, fate takes pity on you and sends you a friend <3
-Enlightened (TV show)


Just now it struck me how much friends mean to me. I was looking through my crochet patterns and ideas notebook and found this quote written on an obscure page. I heard it the first time while watching the HBO series, Enlightened and it stuck in my head so I wrote it down. 


Recently, I've been having a rough time with my anxiety. I suffer from a few nervous and depressive conditions that keep me from having what I conceive as a normal life. 


I don't go to work anymore. I don't hang out with friends (except on Xbox Live). I don't go to the movie theater, or out to eat, or to theme parks, or parties. The more I think about it, the more I don't do a lot of things anymore. 


It makes me feel so much....less. Less than normal...less than me. 


People I used to count among the closest of friends no longer call, they no longer come over. Some have even lashed out at me about being a bad friend. 


It's true though. I am a bad friend. I don't call, I don't text, I don't come over, I don't hang out. I've had episodes where I push people away. Mostly because I don't want them to see me having panic attacks, feel guilty that they can't help, or worse...


During those times I'm at my very worst. I'm contemplating suicide. I'm in deep depression and near constant bewildering panic.


I never want people to see me like that. Everyone who knows me always hears me giggling and laughing and so that kind of happy persona is the one I want them to remember me by. 


Luckily for people like me, there's friends out there that do stick around. That see you at your worst and are willing to wait out the storm, holding their arms out, so that when you do get through it, they can welcome you back with hugs. They whisper to you, "It's going to be ok. I'm here for you."


They offer consolation and open-minded love. The best kind of love, unconditional love. 


Those friends come in all packages.


The boyfriend best friend. The sibling best friend. The mommy best friend. The across the world best friend. Even the although-we've-never-met-in-person-I-love-you best friend.


To all those who love me and all those who care...thank you so much for being there. You mean the WHOLE world to me.


Thanks for Reading.
Love, 
Mery Ann

Cookie Monster Sculpture I made for my Cookie <3 Stacey Gerrish <3